我是典型的巨蟹座 :)

巨蟹座的人性格很奇怪,有时候超爱说话,有时候可以一天不说话,高兴的时候,会拼命的说话,不高兴的时候,一句话也不说。

巨蟹座最注重的就是安全感.希望被保护,却常常是一个人。

巨蟹是个很爱撒娇的孩子、总是很依赖别人。

巨蟹喜欢海,喜欢顾影自怜.喜欢自己舔伤口。

巨蟹心里想什么从来不说.别人也猜不到。

巨蟹嘴上说不在乎、心里却早已悲凉、心里的那把火早已熄灭。

巨蟹选择了沉默、不在像以前那样挚热的去追求某样东西。

巨蟹总是很爱回忆、回忆以前的点点滴滴、以前的大小事只是默默的想着。

巨蟹座的人天生敏锐，与生具备的第六感，对人的内心有超乎寻常的洞察力，但巨蟹座的人会把这些东西放在心里，巨蟹座的人可以把你的眼神、内心看得很清楚，但却不会告诉你，他用旁观的态度判定虚伪。

巨蟹座的人不懂甜言蜜语，不屑拍马屁。

巨蟹座的人本能的排斥虚伪和做作的人。

巨蟹座的人不会真的发火，就算生气，也很快忘记。

巨蟹座的人只对真正懂他的人，展示他的创造性，他的情绪他变得冷淡就证明他开始对你重新审视， 当他越是沉默，就代表他越是生气。

巨蟹座的人可能看起来很凶，其实内心是最柔软的。

巨蟹座的人看起来很冷淡，但那只是保护自己的方法。

巨蟹座的人很重视友情，但被伤害后绝对不再友善。

巨蟹座的人可能看起来很坚强，其实是最脆弱的。

巨蟹座的人可能看起来很笨，其实大智若愚。

巨蟹座的人可能做事很毛躁，但内心很细心。

巨蟹座的人天生敏感和细腻，却会用心鉴定。

巨蟹座的懦弱，受了伤之后，只知道躲在无人的地方独自哭泣。

巨蟹座的虚伪，明明已经心痛到无法呼吸，还要在最爱的他面前假装坚强；不轻易让任何人走进他自己独自的世界。

巨蟹座的笑容，无论开心或者悲伤，巨蟹都是一脸笑容，笑容，是他们伪装自己最好的武器。

巨蟹的眼泪，从不轻易让人看见，他的泪，从来只有她知道，只是，谁又知道，在巨蟹的笑脸背后，埋藏的是深深的悲伤，笑的越开心，伤的越深。

Selling Chocolates For The First Time - Epic Fail

I'm going to start telling story because yesterday was kind of dramatic to me. Two weeks ago, I was really over the moon when I received a call from Mr A saying "You are WANTED!" as I've been yearning for a part time job since forever. I was like:

How amazing/wonder/exciting/cool it feels to finally be wanted after lenggang lenggang for 2 weeks at home doing nothing.

Then, yesterday, the drama started. He was supposed to meet me at Cold Storage at 12pm and bring me their company T-shirt, letters, samples and everything. I waited he for 15 minutes and tried to call his cell phone. Dafuq?! He didn't switch on his phone! I was like O.M.G:

I started to panic. I called my mom "Mommy he is not here yet and he turn his phone off". I called Mr A for 5 times (like every 10 minutes) and I still couldn't reach he!! Ok now everyone started to gan jiong already.

What to do?! Was it a joke?!?! Maybe some kind of prank?! Kenapa macam ini?!?! I stood at cold storage alone for one and a half hour! The most ridiculous thing was, I didn't even change my standing position, from 12pm to 1.30pm, I still stood at the same spot. Funny lo. Went to work but Mr A bu jian liao so I went home at 2pm. Laugh la you people, laugh la. My mom also laughed at me. In fact, I also feel like laughing now.... The day Yee Mei stood still wtf. (There's a movie named The Day The Earth Stood Still) 

So I got back home and turned my laptop on, searching for the e-mail that Mr A sent me last week. Then I found another person in charge, Mr B so I called him and started to complain what Mr A just did to me! The truth of Mr turned off his phone because he went to S'pore. Do you think it's acceptable?! Why would he went to S'pore without telling and handing over his work to his colleguo?! How could he forget about me T_T. Why didn't I save Mr B's number?! Well, I'm not sure if it's me or Mr A. But I think if Mr A is a stupid asshole, then I'm a dumpass. Enough said. But I still hate Mr A lol.

OK. After all the twists and turns, ups and downs, semua settle liao, I could finally start to sell chocolates at 3.30pm. 

Let's just talk about some funny things happened to me during work. I'm a promoter hired by Daiana Chocolate Company to conduct sampling at Cold Storage but the customers don't seem to understand that. Examples:

Customer A

"Do you know where is the price scanner?" 

"Lane number 3."

"The lady told me its at number 5!" *grumpy face*

Actually there is another one at lane number 5, lol. 

Customer B

"The price for this Brand X pampers is RM18.90 or RM28.90?" 

"I think its RM28.90."

"Aiyo, why the put like this in the middle one." *quickly throws back the pampers* 

"I remember there is a brand RM17 something one. That one very good. The urine won't flow one."

"Hmmm..." *checking* "I don't think they have it here."

Gosh pampers pun mau tanya I T_T

Customer C

"有没有卖……膏？" 

"牙膏？牙膏在这边" *point point*

"不是，是那个榴莲糕，马蹄酥什么的。"

"哦！在这儿。"

I don't know why but many tourists from China and Taiwan always like to buy durian kuih and Bak Kut Teh at Cold Storage geh. 

Customer D

"Do you know.... Malaysia 3 in 1 coffee?"

"Err... Yes..." *leading the way* "They're here. All made in Malaysia" 

HAHA. I simply say one. How I know where those coffees from?

Customer E

"Sini ada ini bo?" *showing Watson cotton pad photo*

"Ini kat Watson, depan sana."

By the way, kids nowadays really no manner lo. When you give them a FREE chocolate to eat, they just stare at you like you've killed their family. Or they just take take take and eat without saying thank you. Or THEY CALL YOU AUNTY!!

At last, you all must come and support me at Cold Storage, from Friday to Sunday. MUST BUY MY CHOCOLATES. Okay? Sorry for the bad English ha. Good night. 

Ps: Meme is good for expressing feelings and emotions when you're poor in vocabulary. lol 

无法可修饰的一对手 带出温暖永远在背后
总是罗嗦始终关注 不懂珍惜太内疚
沉醉于音阶她不赞赏 母亲的爱却永远未退让
决心冲开心中挣扎 亲恩终可报答
春风化雨暖透我的心 一生眷顾无言地送赠
是你多么温馨的目光 教我坚毅望着前路
叮嘱我跌倒不应放弃 没法解释怎可报尽亲恩
爱意宽大是无限 请准我说声真的爱你



昨天晚上在看溏心风暴的时候，听到这首歌，看了它的歌词，我不想承认，但我听到它时，真的很想哭。

上几个星期回槟城还跟妈妈吵架。爸爸说，你难得回来，为什么要弄到妈妈那么伤心？是的，我也责问自己，为什么要那么的幼稚，那么的不成熟？那三天，我都没有跟妈妈好好说上几句话。甚至上了巴士也没有跟她说句再见。想想自己也是二十岁的人了，臭脾气怎么还不能改？总是拉不下面子说声对不起，总是那么倔强，总是那么不认输……种种的理由，种种的借口。

妈妈总爱说教。虽然是有点罗嗦，但你不得不承认那些“大道理”还真的很有道理的窝。这个世界有很多种人。就像我妈常讲的，一百米养百种人。面对种种的人，无论你有多么不喜欢，有多不开心，你都要学会放下。一直搁在心里，只会让自己更加痛苦，更加没有理智的陷下去，慢慢的迷失自己。

我明天又回家了。我一定会说对不起，然后告诉她，妈妈，我爱你。

When Life Doesn't Meet Your Expectations, Can You Turn Lemons Into Lemonade?

Since I'm awake at this hour, I think I'm gonna blog about my life after leaving home after being idle for quite some time. Looking at the date showing on the bottom right-hand corner of the computer screen, 6/6/2012. Wow. It has been exactly a month since my leaving. I simply couldn't believe that - I made it for the first month! Okay. I was being dramatic. It's not really a big deal since almost everyone is doing it and most of them cope better than me. 

Two weeks before I came, I was really nervous but excited at the same time about going to a new place, a new university, meeting new people, and above all, being on my own. Lots of anticipation. As soon as I realized, I actually missed the things which hadn't been a big deal for me just two weeks earlier. "Things would be better if my mom (parents) is/are around." always pop into my mind especially when I get really tired; when I feel hungry, when I need a hug, when I need  a shoulder to lean on, when I need to pour out my feeling.... In order to "cure" myself, I made my way back to Penang on the second week I got here. I admit I really did complain a lot about how miserable my life was. My mom was being real cool and said, "Sooner or later, you'll get used to it. Don't worry."  And yeah. I know... She is right. I'm slowly adapting to the life here. SLOWLY. This short getaway meant a lot to me. It gave me a lot of courage, strength and motivation to continue doing this. In fact, the second time leaving was even harder as I knew exactly what I was going to miss dearly. 


Back to the tittle. Obviously la, my life here doesn't meet my expectations. I was expecting everything is better than the current situation. I know I should be contented with the way things are but I want to make my life more interesting and... happy. I got sick with the same old routine I'm doing everyday. I wish my life could be a little different. I don't remember the last time I had fun. Loneliness is not a factor anymore. I have no issues with eating alone, walking around alone, sleeping alone etc etc. I could have make some new friends but its so hard for me to take the first step. Probably it's because I've low self esteem. Being alone in a crowd is no fun. Everyone else seems doing fine here, with their own cliques while I'm still finding a place for me to fit in. I feel left out. But somehow, I'm able to cope with that. I'm getting used to alienate myself. Imma Yee Mei, the loner. lol. Maybe I got nothing to do here except thinking too much, I feel bad things always happen to me once I got here?! I slipped on wet floor and got a bruise on my right arm; I burned my finger with boiling water and it left me a scar; I got high fever (almost 39 degree). They are all small small stuffs, I know. I'm just too "free" to think too much lately, before I'm going to overwhelm by assignments. I over analyze, I question myself, I blame myself and therefore I stress. I play things over and over again in my head. I can't stop figuring out stuffs. hah. Why have I become so emotional lately? I even cried when my mom called. I hope this is just a transitional period. Things would get better. Hopefully. Finger crossed. I always remind myself "You came here for study not for fun". True enough. I should be concentrating on my studies. I'm really disappointed with the last semester results. Meh. Let's skip this. 

Okay. Enough for all the self-pity, negative stuffs. It's time to talk about some good ones. I shall post some photos otherwise it'll become a long, dull and boring post. In a month's time, I... 

I tried Snowflake, the highly rated Taiwanese dessert. Like finally. 

I cooked my own food. I suppose you couldn't see what's inside the pot, so there are udon, tomatoes, mushroom, fish, tofu and onion. Not nice in looking but eatable :)

I haven't had any pets in my life buy guess what? I helped my friend to feed her guinea pig. Three guinea pigs. 

I tried new food? Thousand layered cake that cost me RM7. Luckily it tasted good. 

I met new people :)

There is not as much love and care for me as I used to have back at home. I have to do new things I have never done before and I have to cope with everything – the new things and the new people. I may sound a bit verbose but I used to live my life with the best kind of parents there possibly is. This might appear as a weakness for me to others, but I take it as a strength. Leaving home for university is another life altering experience. It means you're ready to move forward to another stage of your life - you're ready to be independent. I wasn't so sure about that before I came here. But now, I know I'm ready. To live independently, pursuing my dreams, experiencing a new life - here I come.  

When life doesn't meet your expectations, it was important to take it with grace.

Me, Mine, My Mind.

1. I'm shutting down.
Do you ever think of the possibilities of someone you love could get into a mental hospital? I just can't stop thinking of this recently. I can't stop thinking what if I check into a hospital and end up my life staying there? It's not that I've any major problems except studies. I'm not under big pressure either. At least not now. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't feel like going out anymore. I don't feel like talking to people anymore. Yes. Even to my family. I barely step out of my room or get off from the bed unless I need to eat or bath or  pee or poo. Maybe one day, I'd go insane. Who knows? :P

Gosh I sound so creepy. Just to inform you guys don't be shock if you know I'm committed into a mental hospital kay.


2. Addictions.
Movie and dramas are like drugs. Once you start, you can't stop. I spending two sleepless night watching mystery and suspense movies and dramas. I rather curling up in the blanket, watching  psychological thrillers, guessing who is the killer, what is he/she going to do next than going out or having fun.

I want to watch them all. I'm watching The Silence of the Lambs. Anthony Hopkins is the greatest actor. It's still cool when you know it's only acting. 


3. Weight gain? Weight loss?
Just so you know, I'm gaining weight lately 'cause I think I'll be having lots of chance to loss weight after I leave here. So why not starting eating more now? Penang is the heaven of food kay.


4. Glad that I've a blog.
I start to feel grateful that I've a blog. I can writing anything here I want (as long as it's not against the law) without being afraid of people judging me. You know what I mean right? It's not that I've thousands of visit everyday lol. I don't have to impress my readers. At least I can express myself and improve my writing. My blog is so going to be my very best friend. Pathetic. But it's a good start as I don't usually tell people things. I'm not used to express myself in front of people. I never drop any tears in front of people. Well, I just did 2 days ago for the first time. Not a good one. I hate to let people see the weaker side of me. I've a high sense of pride since I was very young. I'm still learning.


5. Passing by.


Do you realise how many people just pass throughout your lifetime? Some of them were once your close friends but after a few years things change. Not everyone you treasured is meant to be in your life permanently. They were only there for a time being.  They may now be in your life now but, at least they were when you needed them to be. 

Do me a favor. This photo looks better in #1 or #2?

#1


#2

What Do You Miss About Being A Child?

1. How easy everything was.
I miss how simple life used to be. I miss being easily pleased by little things like getting a new pencil case, having a cake for breakfast, receiving a praise from adults and etc. Even though I had little in terms of luxuries, I were happy and content.






2. Freedom of worry and fear.
I miss being carefree, not having much responsibilities.


3. Innocent. 
When you're a kid, you be nice to everyone. You treat everyone equally without discrimination and prejudice. You are not racist. I miss being naive. I used to believe there is no existence of  "bad guy" and everyone in the world is "good guy".





4. Be yourself. 
You weren't scared of people judging you. You weren't embarrassed to act like an idiot. You need not to worry about your looks because self image was not that important when you're a child. No one would laugh at you if you wore clothes that didn't match because you didn't have to impress people for them to like you. I miss running around in my swimsuit without the need of being worry whether I look fat or not.




5. Protection

I miss yelling my mom to kill the cockroach in the toilet or in my room. I miss running to my parents' room whenever I had a nightmare. I miss holding my mom's hand to cross the road. I miss walking home with mom after school regardless of the weather. I miss my mom carrying a big yet heavy umbrella to protect me from the heavy pouring rain or the sun. I miss everything is taken care of by my parents. I miss the comfort of my parents having all the answers.







6. Movies, cartoons and books.
I'm a 90s kid. I watched Power Ranger, Powerpuff Girl, Totally Spices, Ninja Turtles, Home Alone, Tom and Jerry etc etc.  I remember watching Art Attack and followed what the man did but.... I failed. HAHA
I remember reading Goosebumps and actually believed that my dolls were alive.



7. Brotherhood.
Me and my brother were close siblings when we were kids. We used to have so much fun together in the midst of little fights. I love role play (yes, even now). As I'm the elder child, I always got to be the doctor, a teacher or the mother. My brother, the unfortunate one, he could only  be a patient, a student and the baby. I miss the enjoyment of bullying him. Now? We barely talk. He is going through rebellious period and being cool for all the time.


8. Colouring
Gosh I love colouring! I love crayons, colour pencils and all that. I used to participate in colouring competition without telling any of my friends. And I did win some prizes ok. Fyi, I love colouring but hate drawing. I'm a weird kid. lol. I'm still keeping my crayons, waiting for, someday maybe, I could use them again.

SHUT UP!

That's a bit bold & rude, sorry. But I really have to say that because a lot of people need to hear that. SHUT UP.

1. Arguments, misunderstandings and disagreements

I try to do my very best and do as much as I can for everyone (at least I feel so) but no one understands. I try so hard and people think it comes easily to me?! They do not know how hard I try and how much I miss out on. 

2. Insomnia 

I can't sleep at night until 4am for almost a week. I could just lay on the bed, having many thoughts running through my head d for hours. Stress? Maybe. It's disturbing my life. And insomnia is causing me to have bad mood swings, mainly around people who mean the most to me - my family. 

3. I miss being happy

Being happy was once the easiest thing for me. I used to be a happy-go-lucky girl, constantly laughing and being surrounded by people I loved and loved me.
Now? Not so much anymore. I'm always so upset by things. I get annoyed and pissed of easily. Things people say, things people do. I don't want to feel this way. 

4. From nice to mean

I feel I've became very mean and I hate myself for it. When I'm angry, I tend to behave very rudely which hurts my parents. I don't even love to deal with myself who is becoming mean, defensive, irritable and unreasonable. I need to stop. Or else I'll be alone for the rest of my life. 

I want to be my old kind self. She is lost in somewhere, I need to find her back.