Since I'm awake at this hour, I think I'm gonna blog about my life after leaving home after being idle for quite some time. Looking at the date showing on the bottom right-hand corner of the computer screen, 6/6/2012. Wow. It has been exactly a month since my leaving. I simply couldn't believe that - I made it for the first month! Okay. I was being dramatic. It's not really a big deal since almost everyone is doing it and most of them cope better than me.
Two weeks before I came, I was really nervous but excited at the same time about going to a new place, a new university, meeting new people, and above all, being on my own. Lots of anticipation. As soon as I realized, I actually missed the things which hadn't been a big deal for me just two weeks earlier. "Things would be better if my mom (parents) is/are around." always pop into my mind especially when I get really tired; when I feel hungry, when I need a hug, when I need a shoulder to lean on, when I need to pour out my feeling.... In order to "cure" myself, I made my way back to Penang on the second week I got here. I admit I really did complain a lot about how miserable my life was. My mom was being real cool and said, "Sooner or later, you'll get used to it. Don't worry." And yeah. I know... She is right. I'm slowly adapting to the life here. SLOWLY. This short getaway meant a lot to me. It gave me a lot of courage, strength and motivation to continue doing this. In fact, the second time leaving was even harder as I knew exactly what I was going to miss dearly.
Back to the tittle. Obviously la, my life here doesn't meet my expectations. I was expecting everything is better than the current situation. I know I should be contented with the way things are but I want to make my life more interesting and... happy. I got sick with the same old routine I'm doing everyday. I wish my life could be a little different. I don't remember the last time I had fun. Loneliness is not a factor anymore. I have no issues with eating alone, walking around alone, sleeping alone etc etc. I could have make some new friends but its so hard for me to take the first step. Probably it's because I've low self esteem. Being alone in a crowd is no fun. Everyone else seems doing fine here, with their own cliques while I'm still finding a place for me to fit in. I feel left out. But somehow, I'm able to cope with that. I'm getting used to alienate myself. Imma Yee Mei, the loner. lol. Maybe I got nothing to do here except thinking too much, I feel bad things always happen to me once I got here?! I slipped on wet floor and got a bruise on my right arm; I burned my finger with boiling water and it left me a scar; I got high fever (almost 39 degree). They are all small small stuffs, I know. I'm just too "free" to think too much lately, before I'm going to overwhelm by assignments. I over analyze, I question myself, I blame myself and therefore I stress. I play things over and over again in my head. I can't stop figuring out stuffs. hah. Why have I become so emotional lately? I even cried when my mom called. I hope this is just a transitional period. Things would get better. Hopefully. Finger crossed. I always remind myself "You came here for study not for fun". True enough. I should be concentrating on my studies. I'm really disappointed with the last semester results. Meh. Let's skip this.
Back to the tittle. Obviously la, my life here doesn't meet my expectations. I was expecting everything is better than the current situation. I know I should be contented with the way things are but I want to make my life more interesting and... happy. I got sick with the same old routine I'm doing everyday. I wish my life could be a little different. I don't remember the last time I had fun. Loneliness is not a factor anymore. I have no issues with eating alone, walking around alone, sleeping alone etc etc. I could have make some new friends but its so hard for me to take the first step. Probably it's because I've low self esteem. Being alone in a crowd is no fun. Everyone else seems doing fine here, with their own cliques while I'm still finding a place for me to fit in. I feel left out. But somehow, I'm able to cope with that. I'm getting used to alienate myself. Imma Yee Mei, the loner. lol. Maybe I got nothing to do here except thinking too much, I feel bad things always happen to me once I got here?! I slipped on wet floor and got a bruise on my right arm; I burned my finger with boiling water and it left me a scar; I got high fever (almost 39 degree). They are all small small stuffs, I know. I'm just too "free" to think too much lately, before I'm going to overwhelm by assignments. I over analyze, I question myself, I blame myself and therefore I stress. I play things over and over again in my head. I can't stop figuring out stuffs. hah. Why have I become so emotional lately? I even cried when my mom called. I hope this is just a transitional period. Things would get better. Hopefully. Finger crossed. I always remind myself "You came here for study not for fun". True enough. I should be concentrating on my studies. I'm really disappointed with the last semester results. Meh. Let's skip this.
Okay. Enough for all the self-pity, negative stuffs. It's time to talk about some good ones. I shall post some photos otherwise it'll become a long, dull and boring post. In a month's time, I...
I tried Snowflake, the highly rated Taiwanese dessert. Like finally.
I cooked my own food. I suppose you couldn't see what's inside the pot, so there are udon, tomatoes, mushroom, fish, tofu and onion. Not nice in looking but eatable :)
I haven't had any pets in my life buy guess what? I helped my friend to feed her guinea pig. Three guinea pigs.
I tried new food? Thousand layered cake that cost me RM7. Luckily it tasted good.
I met new people :)
There is not as much love and care for me as I used to have back at home. I have to do new things I have never done before and I have to cope with everything – the new things and the new people. I may sound a bit verbose but I used to live my life with the best kind of parents there possibly is. This might appear as a weakness for me to others, but I take it as a strength. Leaving home for university is another life altering experience. It means you're ready to move forward to another stage of your life - you're ready to be independent. I wasn't so sure about that before I came here. But now, I know I'm ready. To live independently, pursuing my dreams, experiencing a new life - here I come.
When life doesn't meet your expectations, it was important to take it with grace.
