When Life Doesn't Meet Your Expectations, Can You Turn Lemons Into Lemonade?

Since I'm awake at this hour, I think I'm gonna blog about my life after leaving home after being idle for quite some time. Looking at the date showing on the bottom right-hand corner of the computer screen, 6/6/2012. Wow. It has been exactly a month since my leaving. I simply couldn't believe that - I made it for the first month! Okay. I was being dramatic. It's not really a big deal since almost everyone is doing it and most of them cope better than me. 

Two weeks before I came, I was really nervous but excited at the same time about going to a new place, a new university, meeting new people, and above all, being on my own. Lots of anticipation. As soon as I realized, I actually missed the things which hadn't been a big deal for me just two weeks earlier. "Things would be better if my mom (parents) is/are around." always pop into my mind especially when I get really tired; when I feel hungry, when I need a hug, when I need  a shoulder to lean on, when I need to pour out my feeling.... In order to "cure" myself, I made my way back to Penang on the second week I got here. I admit I really did complain a lot about how miserable my life was. My mom was being real cool and said, "Sooner or later, you'll get used to it. Don't worry."  And yeah. I know... She is right. I'm slowly adapting to the life here. SLOWLY. This short getaway meant a lot to me. It gave me a lot of courage, strength and motivation to continue doing this. In fact, the second time leaving was even harder as I knew exactly what I was going to miss dearly. 


Back to the tittle. Obviously la, my life here doesn't meet my expectations. I was expecting everything is better than the current situation. I know I should be contented with the way things are but I want to make my life more interesting and... happy. I got sick with the same old routine I'm doing everyday. I wish my life could be a little different. I don't remember the last time I had fun. Loneliness is not a factor anymore. I have no issues with eating alone, walking around alone, sleeping alone etc etc. I could have make some new friends but its so hard for me to take the first step. Probably it's because I've low self esteem. Being alone in a crowd is no fun. Everyone else seems doing fine here, with their own cliques while I'm still finding a place for me to fit in. I feel left out. But somehow, I'm able to cope with that. I'm getting used to alienate myself. Imma Yee Mei, the loner. lol. Maybe I got nothing to do here except thinking too much, I feel bad things always happen to me once I got here?! I slipped on wet floor and got a bruise on my right arm; I burned my finger with boiling water and it left me a scar; I got high fever (almost 39 degree). They are all small small stuffs, I know. I'm just too "free" to think too much lately, before I'm going to overwhelm by assignments. I over analyze, I question myself, I blame myself and therefore I stress. I play things over and over again in my head. I can't stop figuring out stuffs. hah. Why have I become so emotional lately? I even cried when my mom called. I hope this is just a transitional period. Things would get better. Hopefully. Finger crossed. I always remind myself "You came here for study not for fun". True enough. I should be concentrating on my studies. I'm really disappointed with the last semester results. Meh. Let's skip this. 

Okay. Enough for all the self-pity, negative stuffs. It's time to talk about some good ones. I shall post some photos otherwise it'll become a long, dull and boring post. In a month's time, I... 

I tried Snowflake, the highly rated Taiwanese dessert. Like finally. 

I cooked my own food. I suppose you couldn't see what's inside the pot, so there are udon, tomatoes, mushroom, fish, tofu and onion. Not nice in looking but eatable :)

I haven't had any pets in my life buy guess what? I helped my friend to feed her guinea pig. Three guinea pigs. 

I tried new food? Thousand layered cake that cost me RM7. Luckily it tasted good. 

I met new people :)

There is not as much love and care for me as I used to have back at home. I have to do new things I have never done before and I have to cope with everything – the new things and the new people. I may sound a bit verbose but I used to live my life with the best kind of parents there possibly is. This might appear as a weakness for me to others, but I take it as a strength. Leaving home for university is another life altering experience. It means you're ready to move forward to another stage of your life - you're ready to be independent. I wasn't so sure about that before I came here. But now, I know I'm ready. To live independently, pursuing my dreams, experiencing a new life - here I come.  

When life doesn't meet your expectations, it was important to take it with grace.